


Telling Me What Your Heart Meant

by frankiemacfrank



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 03:16:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3962380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankiemacfrank/pseuds/frankiemacfrank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel thinks about how he fell in love with Sam, but is the feeling mutual?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Telling Me What Your Heart Meant

I'm not sure when I fell for him. I know I didn't sense it right away. How curious that this ever happened in the first place. I guess Father thought this would be humorous having an archangel fall for a human. Not just any human, but Sam Winchester. The vessel of Lucifer himself. Many times I ask myself why I ever even tried to help him out. I tried to get him to see that no matter what he did or what he tried, Dean was still going to die. But I fucked that up.

I fuck a lot of things up.

I hurt Sam. Many times.

Seeing and making him endure the numerous deaths of Dean Winchester. Their love for each other as brothers runs deeper than those of normal siblings. Normal siblings will fight, argue, maybe throw some punches and all be fine withing a few hours. This set of brothers has seen the other die, has soul their soul for the other, has killed for each other, has bled for each other. The bond formed between siblings is strong, but these two take the cake. So making Sammykins watch his older brother die for no reason everyday and make him wonder if today is the last day and tomorrow will be Wednesday killed him inside. I tortured Sam. And I hate myself for it. 

I did not intend for it to be like that. Sam was supposed to get the lesson in the time loop but all he focused on was saving his brother. Even though he couldn't. And that was the lesson; you can't always save him. Especially from the deal he made. How it hurt me to see him go to kill "Bobby" and how far he had gone hunting me down in those six months. I was always there watching him. Making sure he wouldn't do anything to stupid, which was a very hard job seeing he is a Winchester.

I don't know why I fell in love. It must have been Father interjecting in something that he had no business causing. Every Tuesday Sam would wake up and I would see his devotion to saving Dean. I would see how much he cares and loves and feels. Everyday. Well more like every Tuesday, amiright? Watching Sam wake every morning with dread as Heat of the Moment blared in the background, was the worst part. Having him know that today was another day his brother would die, and that it could quite possibly be the last time he ever saw his brother again. Maybe I did fall from grace a bit every morning. To fall further in love with Sam, and to fall further into the pit of what is the darkness in me. 

I feel so wrong for loving Sam, but every time I see his face and soul I forget I hate myself for loving him. Every now and then Cas will call me and I swing by and help the knuckleheads with Father knows what. Seeing Sam happy, all things considered, makes me happy. Even though as soon as I leave that darkness of self hatred wells back up and I find myself wondering how one of the highest angels could now be so low as to think them self lower than a human? After walking the earth for millenia and wrecking havoc on the unjust I twisted who I was and hid him away. Sam makes me remember.

The fight I have with myself over my feelings for Sam and what he makes me feel honestly sucks. I can't find peace with myself! All I see is his big goofy tall self when we first met. Years later and I still find myself looking back on at the times I hurt him to try and teach him. I didn't think of any other way. Angles were taught tough love. I can not change what I have done to him, but I can do the best I can to show him just how much I love him.

All I know now is that I am in love with Sam Winchester. From his freakishly moose sized body to his glowing bright soul, I love this man. I love that he has his puppy dog face one moment and his killer bitch face the next. I love his adorably long hair and how when he gets busy he sometimes puts it in a mini pony tail or a bun. I love how this one man has reminded me of who I am. I am an archangel of the Lord. I am Loki God of Mischief, I am the bringer of Justice, I am in love with Sam Winchester. And he is in love with me. Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I might write Sam's view soon.  
> Please tell me what you think!! Do you like it? Hate it?  
> I am a huge sucker for Kudos.... And Moose Tracks Ice cream(:


End file.
